the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you.
Bad choice
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