I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
