There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
