I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
