How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
