she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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