Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
