I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
