it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
