he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So squirting runs in the family.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
