Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
