Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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