party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
