Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
