SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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