it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
