tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
