Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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