Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
