Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
