don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
