I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
