i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
