so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i now understand why vodka
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
