i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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