I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
