it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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