hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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