but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
