I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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