just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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