Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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