You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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