you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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