I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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