my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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