he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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