I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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