I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
