Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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