I heard we made out
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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