Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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