Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
