Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
