You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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