I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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