Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
