It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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