i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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