reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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