Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
