yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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